from · the · mind · of · a · deranged · diva...

alright, it's been a while, so this is the last few days/week in stream of consciousness, without being edited, and with a deplorable lack of correct grammar. i'm tired, and annoyed, and really hope i didn't make a huge mistake on who i chose to live with.
well, ( lets see... )

102 degrees
4 days
no end in sight
river of snot.

that pretty much sums it up. i kinda want to curl up and die...but there are rooms to be painted damnit! so, a hearty sorry to those i was going to see this weekend/early week, but i'm sick. in other news, it's going to be in the 90's this week. we have a pool. come use it. call me, or just come. i'll be painting upstairs.

so, for those of you who don't know, or who i haven't yet bugged on im/the phone...a dear friend of mine (Jordan) is composing a short (30-40? minute) opera, based on a series of poems i've been writing...i'm just gonna insert an already written blurb about how i want this to shape up, and then one of the poems from it. i'd really appreciate any feedback, and, moreso, any information on Wiccan rituals, that i might be able to work in. i'm using Wiccan rituals, because there's a lot about the idea of the Celtic queens that interests me, and all things Wicca seems to be what most people associate with the ancient Celts. that being said, here's the ( blurb! )

i've officially decided that i'm done.
i'm done with being the doormat everyone walks on
i'm done being the girl everyone goes to to hook up with and leave
i'm done with the pretension.
i'm done with cliques. i freakin hate cliques as it is.
i'm done with being the fat chick
i'm done with being the "safe girl for my bf to hang out with"
i'm done with other people's stupid drama
i'm done with letting my music come after my (insert something here)
i'm done with guilt.
i'm done with feeling second bestbecause of my size
i'm done hiding my sexuality.
i'm done, finished, fed up with idiots.
i'm done with meaningless sex
i'm done with pointless parties
i'm done in general.
i'm done with feeling guilty for following my heart
i'm done with relationships
i'm done with being uncomfortable in my own skin
i'm done biting my tounge.
i'm done letting other people try to define who i am by my beliefs.
i'm done with pan handlers.
i'm done with being called "baby" by anyone but those on the baby list (i'll post it.)
i'm done with constant "you need to be thin to be beauiful" media.
i'm done with letting myself hide behind my fat.
i'm done with holding my personality back, take it or leave it babe.
i'm done with letting people make me feel dumb or being a singer.
i'm done with taking disrespect be cause i feel like i deserve it.
i'm done with people using the fact that i'm sexually a submissive as some sort of excuse to try and get me to do dumb shit.
i'm done with people thinking sumbissive means weak.
i'm done with explaining away rope burn.
i'm done with holding my breath for males who never respond
i'm done with not being taken as a sexual entity.
i'm done with being defined by my friends by those who don't know me.
i'm done with not letting my emotions show.
i'm done with shying away from comlpiments...
i'm done with the whole affected goth thing.
i'm done with my bad habits
i'm done with my bad habits except for procrastination...i'll wait on that one.
i'm done with being constantly pushed to "find someone"
i'm done with feeling worthless for being single.
i'm making my one woman stand against all the cultural pretensions i've been tied into i am a beautiful strong passionate talened woman, and if i want to dance naked in the reflection pond at the christian science center i will. indecent exposure charges be damned. i will bea role model for the younger women in my life, and perhaps the older ones as well. i am here to live as a human being for as long or short as i can. i am here to love and to laugh to live my life with grace and courage, to inspire others and to love others. that is my role as a human being and i refuse to let people keep me from that because i'm not what their preconceived, premoulded barbie doll minds are expecting. i am here. i'm loud. i'm fabulous.

get used to it.

i'm done writing.

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Ok, i think i left my cell phone at home. if either ego or donald reads this, could one of you respond and tell me if it is there? if not i'll have to go scout the T.

seriously? again with this cell phone MIA action? gosh!

first day of grad school;
orientation was mercifully short
could only register for 2 classes and studio because i hadn't placed in the opera dept yet
messed up my back in the uber uncomfortable chairs at orientation
went home warmed up for my audition
nerves attacked as i was getting dressed
Donald came with me, which was really sweet
shook my way thru 'Amour, viens aider..'
thank got the high Bb came out
deep breaths
they asked for 'Voi lo Sapete'
kicked the shit out of it
got asked my range
'high C to octave below middle C'
hehehehe
then the doom that is the grad music theory exam.
boo.
alot.
got out of that, went to see Tim and Tony in the library
got a voice mail fromthe opera dept.
...
....
Opera Studio, What?!
came home, talked to ppl on the phone, passed out.

now i have to:
go to school
add/drop into opera studio
set up a meeting with John Greer
add/drop into whatever he tells me to
come home and pass out.

oh yeah. i fucking love it!

Ultimate Showdown (of Ulitmate Destiny)
Lemon Demon

Old Godzilla was hoppin' around
Tokyo city like a big playground
When suddenly Batman burst from the shade
And hit Godzilla with a bat grenade
Godzilla got pissed and began to attack
But didn't expect to be blocked by Shaq
Who proceeded to open up a can of Shaq-fu
When Aaron Carter came out of the blue
And he started beating up Shaquille 'o' Neal
Then they both got flattened by the batmobile
Before it could make it back to the batcave
Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave
And took an AK-47 out from under his hat
And blew Batman away with a ratatattat
But he ran out of bullets and he ran away
Because Optimus Prime came to save the day

(Chorus)
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
Good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny

Godzilla took a bite out of Optimus Prime
Like Scruff McGruff took a bite out crime
And then Shaq came back covered in a tire track
But Jackie Chan jumped out and landed on his back
And Batman was injured and trying to get steady
When Abraham Lincoln came back with a machete
But suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped
Idiana Jones took him out with his whip
Then he saw Godzilla sneaking up from behind
And he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find
'Cause Batman stole it and he shot and he missed
And Jackie Chan deflected it with his fist
Then he jumped in the air and he did a somersault
While Abraham Lincoln tried to polevault
Onto Optimus Prime but they collided in they air
Then they both got hit by a Carebear stare

(Chorus)
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
Good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown...

Angels sang out... in immaculate chorus...
Down from the heavens... descended Chuck Norris...
Who delivered a kick... which could shatter bones...
Into the crotch... of Indiana Jones...
Who fell over on the ground... writhing in pain...
As Batman changed back... into Bruce Wayne...
But Chuck saw through... his clever disguise...
And he crushed Batman's head... in between his thighs
Then Gandalf the gray, and Gandalf the white,
And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's black knight,
And Benito Mussolini, and the Blue Meanie,
And Cowboy Curtis, and Jambie the genie,
Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader,
Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger,
Bill S. Preston, and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Oct, and Hulk Hogan
All came out of nowhere lightning fast
And they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass
It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw
With civilians looking on in total awe
The fight raged on for a century
Many lives were claimed but eventually
The champion stood the rest saw the better
Mr. Rogers in a blood-stained sweater

(Chorus)
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
Good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown... (this is the ultimate showdown)
This is the ultimate showdown... (this is the ultimate showdown)
This is the ultiamte showdown of ultimate destiny

ok. the year has officially dissapeared.

So, yeah, there's news;

Laptop = broken

Classes = What i'm _not_ failing???
{no, really, for some reason my teachers are all about me currently, let's see how long That lasts!}

Me = Singing 2 (count 'em, 1...2!!) solos in the monday night holiday concert in jordan hall
{People should come to this, cuz i'm wearing a pretty dress, yes, i said DRESS}

Home = half torn apart, half re-built, rather chilly

Appartment = AWESOME
{this is mostly due tot he fact the Ego ROCKS, like hard. even when her schlong rapes my soul}
[and by 'Schlong' i mean awesome twisted-ness]

Cats = crazy
{no, seriously, they have problems with sanity}

Weight = Steadily Declining. WOOT!

Sanity = ???

right then. all questions can be forwarded to any of my email addies, or here, though i won't be on much until my laptop is fixed. maybe i can bribe Ego to keep me posted...i'll make cookies or something...

Anyways

if i don't write back to you, call me! most of you have my cell, and those of you who don't have my home # my dad likes to talk to people on the phone, it makes him feel all important, plus it gives him something to do that's not outside in the constructionsite that once was our front hallway. Right then.
i'm gonna go shower now.

-m

John Cleese: Letter to America

To the citizens of the United States of America, in light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II resumes monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. Look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Check "aluminium"
in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour'
and 'neighbour'. Likewise you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed."
There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you should not have chat shows.

2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We'll let Microsoft know on your behalf.

The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.

3. You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart'
will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. You must learn that there is
no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States
will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.

5. You should stop playing American "football." There's only one kind of football. What you call American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays "American" football. You should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). You should stop playing baseball. It's not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.

7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. Learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't French, they're Belgian though 97.8% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer." Substances once known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," except for the product of the American Budweiser company which will be called "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

11. The UK will harmonise petrol prices (or "Gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it) for those of the former USA, adopting UK petrol prices (roughly $12/US gallon, get used to it).

12. Learn to resolve personal issues without guns, lawyers or therapists.
That you need many lawyers and therapists shows you're not adult enough to be independent. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

13. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

14. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

* John Cleese [Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers, Torquay, Devon, England]

1. Yourself: unfinished

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: ether

3. Your hair? kinky

4. Your mother? amazing

5. Your father? home

6. Your favourite item: keeper

7. Your dream last night: vauge

8. Your favourite drink: cold

9. Your dream car: driven

10. The room you are in: lab

11. Your ex: crazed

12. Your fear: failure

13. What you want to be in 10 years: myself

14. Who you hung out with last night?: roomies!

15. What you're not?: perfect

16. Muffins: yummy?

17: One of your wish list items: contract

18: Time: lacking

19. The last thing you did: sang

20. What you are wearing: clothes

21. Your favourite weather: blizzard

22. Your favourite book: can't

23. The last thing you ate: pasta

24. Your life: progressing

25. Your mood: tired